Dealing with Disappointment.

March 23, 2013

in Blog,It's Life

I deal with disappoint a particular way every time.

At first I’m gutted, wretched, tearing up and truly dejected. This varies in length, but usually it’s no longer than an hour, usually it’s only about 30 minutes or so.  During this time, I’m usually feeling pretty sorry for myself. I know in the back of my head, it’s really not that bad. My life is actually pretty good, but right now, it totally sucks.

Second, depending on the situation, I blame myself and think of all the reason why the ‘failure’ occurred.  Thankfully through self awareness, this part doesn’t last long at all.  I can usually keep my wits about me long and loud enough to tell myself to shut it and blaming myself does nothing other than perpetuate a downward spiral.
Third up seems to fit with the Bipolar model (of which I’m not).  I get into problem solving mode.  And while I’m at solving this problem, let’s solve every other one I can think of in that moment.  This used to be bad, in that when I didn’t complete any of the lofty goals I put on my to-do list, I felt like I wasn’t a completer and wasn’t able to accomplish or solve anything.  Big talker.  Little doer.  Thankfully I realized that just because i have a million things I want to accomplish, I don’t need to accomplish them all, or any really.  At least not in that state of mine.  Things are a little manic after all.

Finally, my fourth and more sane stage.  I break it down.  I figure out what went wrong in this disappointing scenario and what I can do about it, if anything.  Sometimes things just are out of my control. Other times, it didn’t turn out the way I wanted or was promised.  I acknowledge my knee jerk reaction for what it really accomplishes and reflect on what I really honestly need to do.  I’m a person of options. As long as I can perceive options, I’m okay and all is good with the world.

Without going into details, after all some things are good to keep private in this very public world, this has saved me from lying on the floor in fits of tears, angry, feeling dejected, useless and depressed.  I don’t try to stop my 4 stages either.  I acknowledge I need to go through my stages of mourning, because really that’s what this feeling is.  Mourning, the death of a dream, aspiration, hope, promise.   It might not follow the  5 stages of grief (Kübler-Ross model) but there is definitely a sense of loss.

At this point, I come to terms with my current fate, which is of my own choosing at least until the next variable is thrown into the mix.


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